Cant Breathe
by mindlessmadness
Summary: Pam cant breathe. Major spoilers for finale. Oneshot.


_Disclaimer_: I dont own any of it. If i did, then tonights episode would have lasted three hours longer.

_A/N_: So i think i died three times tonight watching the finale. 1) the mind control opening, i died laughing. 2) When Jim announced his love. and 3) the kiss. Really,i'm mostly writing this oneshot for myself, because i needed a way to get all the nervous energy out, and this was the best and fastest. However, if you enjoy it, feel free to tell me so.

* * *

She couldn't breathe. She really couldn't breathe.

Pam could feel him walking away, back towards the warehouse and the party, while she stood there, still frozen. Her eyes were wide, and her hand made its way to her throat, which, it seemed, had closed up. For that matter, so had her brain. Her mind was in an emotional mess, with only one clear thought coming through.

_I cant breathe. _

Shuddering and stumbling, she made her way over to the nearby chain link fence. Pam collapsed against it, one hand gripping the cool metal for support and reassurance. Slowly, her body was coming back under her control. She moved her other hand from her neck, entwining those fingers as well into the fence. Several deep, gasping breaths later, another thought came through.

_Jim loves me._

Just managing to think it sent her into another minor breakdown. The whole conversation kept replaying itself in her head, over and over and over again, so much that phrases were merging together, already skewing her memory. Her feelings were clear as day though. She could perfectly recall her total shock at his sudden revelation, and how hard it had been to force her words out. She could have sworn her heart had broken as she stuttered, "I Cant.". And she knew it had when Jim started crying.

And then he was walking away. And only one emotion was left. She was terrified.

_I have to tell someone. _

Even as she thought it, only her third composed thought since her world had crashed down round her, she knew who she had to talk to.

Pam didn't remember the walk up to the office, or what her reasoning had been in going to Jim's desk instead of her own. She didn't remember dialing the phone number, and she only had a blurry idea of what the ringing on the other end had sounded like. She had only come back to herself fully when her mom's voice greeted her.

"Hello?"

She gasped and shook, and suddenly realized she was crying. Maybe she had been crying this whole time.

"Mom?"

Her mother's quick intake of breath on the other end told her exactly how she must sound.

"Pam? Are you ok? What's wrong?"

There was silence for a second as she collected her last strands of swirling thought power. Even then, she could only manage one word.

"Jim."

"What?" Now her mom sounded confused as well as anxious. "Pam, please, what happened? It's ok, you can tell me."

Her mothers voice was calming, and Pam managed a full sentence, albeit a shaky one.

"Mom, he…he…he told me he…loved me."

Another short silence, then,

"Oh my."

That wasn't good enough. Pam wanted, _needed_, her mother to help her, explain it all to her, right then. Because now that she was thinking straight (er), she was afraid to wonder as to what her thoughts might mean.

"Mom? Please. Help me."

"When did he tell you?" her mother asked.

"Like…ten minutes ago…I don't know what to do, mom. He's my best friend." She twirled the phone cord between her fingers. The sting of how she had replied suddenly presented itself to her the way it would have sounded to his ears, and a fresh batch of tears came to her eyes. She had never wanted to hurt Jim. Never.

"Pam…" Her moms voice was softer now. "You have to answer me in total honesty. Are you in love with him too?"

The truth of her reply earlier caught up with her. She had said couldn't. Not wouldn't, not didn't. Couldn't. And she had meant it.

"I think…I am."

Her mom started to reply, when Pam heard movement behind her. And without needing to turn around, she knew exactly who it was.

"Mom? I gotta go. Bye."

She hung up the phone, and turned slowly to face him. He was hunched over, and hanging his head, in a manner that made her think for a moment that he had come to apologize. The sudden dizzying fear this idea sent through made her realized that maybe she didn't want him to apologize.

But then Jim looked up, and she saw something in his eyes that told her no 'I'm Sorry's' were coming. It was the same expression she had seen on the booze cruise, and when he had been jinxed to silence, and countless other times. It was the look she had come to associate with him wanting desperately to say something, but holding it back. But tonight…. tonight, she knew, Jim wasn't holding anything back.

"Jim…" she whispered, though she wasn't sure why.

And then suddenly he was kissing her.

Even then, after so many surprises that night, she was shocked. But the kiss…the kiss felt so warm, so good, and so _right_, that she didn't stay unmoving for long. She responded with as much passion as he, her arms wrapping themselves around his neck, her body pressing against his. It seemed to last both forever and for only an instant, and then they were pulling apart.

Looking up into eyes filled with an expression she knew now to be love, Pam realized that, once again, she could not breathe. This time, however, it was for an entirely different reason.

* * *

Heres to being totally, completely, addicted to the Office. And to hoping that this summer goes really REALLY fast.

-Mel


End file.
